Okay, let me rephrase that: urinating in a public bathroom. We all (well, except maybe those with public bathroom phobias) do it right? Of course we do! But nobody does it with much grace or class. Every public bathroom you’ll ever go to is going to be disgusting. Even the public bathrooms at nice restaurants have some hint of nastiness to them. You think “Oh wow! This is really nice they got tv’s in front of the urinals and the lighting is — OH MY GOD THERE IS SHIT ALL OVER THE WALLS!” Yeah, it happens all the time, believe me. It’s not the bathrooms fault that it’s disgusting, it’s the fault of the public potty patron’s. Some people simply don’t give a shit (well they do, it just might not end up in the toilet). Here at my small college, the bathrooms are pretty gross. But what’s even worse is that there are only about 3 to 4 stalls in each bathroom, so if you’re going, you can hear the person next to you going as well. Sometimes, you can just tell when someone is taking a piss, and they miss the toilet. You hear the splash of the toilet water, then you hear it against the porcelain, and sometimes, you hear it on the floor. One time, I was dropping a duece, and I actually saw pee go on the floor. What the hell? How could somebody have such awful aim?
Gentlemen (I’d say ladies, but I’ve heard that ladies bathrooms are comparatively nice), It’s time we take a stand and make sure that the public bathroom is a safe and clean environment. We must watch our aim, lift up the toilet seat, and if we hear somebody piss on the floor or on the seat we will promtly enter their stall and punch them in the face! What do you say lads? It’s time to make the public bathroom a place for our children, our children’s children, and our sister in-laws annoying children to go to that bathroom and say “hey, this isn’t as bad as I thought.”